A leading expert in relationships has shared the one behavior that can spell the end for a couple. Dr. John Gottman, married for 37 years and a researcher of over 3,000 couples, claims he can predict divorce with 91% accuracy (Randy Shropshire/Getty Images). His insight into the biggest relationship killer is a powerful reminder of what it takes to keep love alive and thriving.
On Reddit, someone asked, “What’s an early sign a relationship is doomed?” A user described how their ex rolled her eyes and sighed at their jokes, while others found them funny. This sparked talk of contempt, which Gottman calls a deadly force in relationships. He once said, “Contempt is sulfuric acid for love,” because it erodes the bond that holds couples together (Randy Shropshire/Getty Images). A single eye-roll, as one commenter noted, can show disrespect and disgust in an instant.
Contempt happens when you treat your partner like they don’t matter, like snapping, “Oh, what a shock! Want to chain me to the couch?” when they ask you to skip a night out. Gottman’s decades of observing couples show that this attitude can destroy even strong partnerships. His wife, Dr. Julie Gottman, a respected therapist, agrees, saying contempt cuts us off from the love and connection we need as social beings (Randy Shropshire/Getty Images).
Julie explains that humans are like pack animals, relying on close bonds to thrive. Contempt isolates us, but showing appreciation—like praising your partner’s efforts—builds stronger ties. Her advice is to focus on kindness and gratitude to keep your relationship healthy and connected, rather than letting contempt drive you apart.
If you want your love to last, steer clear of contemptuous behaviors like eye-rolling or snarky comments. Gottman’s research shows that respect and care are the foundation of a strong relationship, while contempt can tear it down. Choose words and actions that show you value your partner, and you’ll build a bond that can withstand life’s challenges.
