The holiday season is upon us, and what better way to get into the spirit than with some laughter? Here are 10 Christmas jokes to share with your loved ones and bring some cheer to your holiday celebrations.
It’s that time of year when we indulge in festive food, exchange gifts, and pretend to enjoy fruitcake. But let’s be real, the best part of Christmas is the laughter and joy we share with our loved ones.
To get you started, here’s a joke about three men who find themselves at the pearly gates on Christmas Eve. Saint Peter meets them with a challenge: to show him something that represents Christmas. The first man pulls out a match and lights it, saying, “This is a Christmas candle.” The second man jangles a set of keys, saying, “These are Christmas bells.” The third man pulls out a pair of red panties and says, “These are Carol’s.”
Next up is a joke about a hungover husband who wakes up after his company’s Christmas party with no memory of how he got home. He finds a glass of water, two aspirin, and a single red rose on his nightstand, along with a note from his wife saying she’s left early to pick up groceries. But when he asks his son what happened the night before, he discovers a shocking truth.
The holiday season can be a time for family drama, but sometimes it’s just a matter of perspective. A father calls his son to tell him that he and his mother are getting divorced, but the son is shocked and insists that they can’t do it until he and his sister arrive. But it turns out that the father has an ulterior motive for sharing the news.
If you’re looking for a joke to share at the office holiday party, here’s one about a soldier who’s accused of doing his Christmas shopping early. When the judge asks him what he’s accused of doing, the soldier replies, “I was just doing my Christmas shopping early.” The judge asks him what time he started, and the soldier replies, “Before the store opened.”
Air travel can be stressful during the holiday season, but sometimes it’s just a matter of perspective. A man is waiting at the airport when he notices some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale. He tells the airline attendant, “Even if we were dating, I wouldn’t kiss you under such tacky mistletoe.” The attendant replies, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me. It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
Sometimes kids can come up with creative solutions to get what they want for Christmas. A little boy starts writing his Christmas letter to Santa, but his mom interrupts him and tells him to write to Jesus instead. The boy thinks for a moment and then starts writing to Jesus, but quickly realizes he can’t lie about being good. So he takes a walk to clear his mind and spots a nativity scene. Suddenly, he snatches the statue of Mary and starts writing a new letter: “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”
Teenagers can be quick-witted, but sometimes their excuses can backfire. A teen boy asks his clergyman father if he can get a car for Christmas, but his father is disappointed that he hasn’t cut his hair. The boy smiles and says, “Dad, in the Bible, I noticed that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair.” His father nods and replies, “Yes, but did you also notice they walked everywhere?”
Finally, here’s a joke about a husband who’s Christmas shopping at the mall when he realizes he’s lost his wife. Frantic, he calls her and asks where she is. She replies calmly, “Do you remember the jewelry store where you saw that expensive watch you loved five years ago? The one I said I’d get you one day?” He replies, “Yes, I remember.” She says, “Well, I’m in the lingerie store next to it.”
