What Is ‘Cookie Jarring’? The Dating Trend That Can Break Your Heart

The dating world is full of confusing behaviors, but one trend called ‘cookie jarring’ is causing real pain. Despite its sweet name, it describes a hurtful pattern where someone dates multiple people, keeping others as backups in case their main relationship fails.

People who ‘cookie jar’ often turn to these backup partners when things get tough with their current partner or after arguments. This habit usually comes from a fear of commitment and a need for security.

'Cookie jarring' is a dating trend characterised by a person who dates multiple people at the same time (Getty Stock Photo)

For those being ‘cookie jarred,’ it feels toxic and damaging. Trust fades, and self-esteem suffers. The problem is that this behavior is often well hidden, making it hard to recognize.

Common signs include a partner who won’t commit or make solid plans, leaving you feeling like you’re the only one invested. If your gut tells you something’s off and your partner won’t define the relationship, it might be time to walk away.

A partner who refuses to make any solid plans is a red flag (Getty Stock Photo)

On forums like Reddit, many have shared their stories of being ‘cookie jarred,’ often realizing it only after learning about the term. One person called it being the “backup girl,” highlighting how selfish it feels.

Dating coach Eugénie Legendre says this behavior stems from insecurity and a desire to feel wanted. While seeking attention from others might seem comforting, it ultimately leads to confusion and exhaustion for everyone involved.

A person who 'cookie jars' may also be afraid of commitment (Getty Stock Photo)

If your partner is inconsistent, vague about exclusivity, or avoids honest conversations, Legendre suggests it’s best to move on and protect your heart.

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