Dear Jane,

After years of struggling to keep it ‘fresh,’ my wife and thought we’d unlocked the ultimate trick to a more lively bedroom. But it’s given way to a different problem.

You see, we’ve discovered that it’s far more exciting to have some fun during the day, as opposed to at night, when we’re so tired from work and bloated from dinner we just want to sleep.

So, we started taking long lunch breaks when we both worked from home and sneaking off to the bathroom together when we were out in public.

At first, it felt naughty – and exciting – but, as the months have gone on, it has started to have an unexpected downside. 

What started as an occasional rendezvous to keep the spark alive has turned into a daily routine that is slowly taking over.

Time spent at ‘lunch’ started running long, making me late to conference calls and prompting questions from my boss. Our bathroom clinches have got a bit too risky. And, because we are having sex so frequently, the prospect’s not even appealing anymore.

I never thought I’d say this, but we’re having too much sex.

What made our alone time so special was that it was spontaneous. Now, it feels more like a chore.

I’m concerned that I’ll hurt my wife’s feelings when I tell her how exhausted I am, and worried our ‘hack’ to better sex has actually ruined it for good.

Sincerely,

Bedroom Buzzkill

Dear Bedroom Buzzkill,

Here’s what kills a relationship: the inability to communicate.

The fear of upsetting those we love can actually be detrimental to relationships.

When we don’t speak up, we are often left wondering why we begin to feel more and more distant from our partners.

I’m going to reframe your narrative: you thought you had unlocked the ultimate trick to a livelier bedroom and you have now discovered that you were wrong. 

There’s no shame in admitting that the thing that was supposed to spice up your love life has had the unintended consequence of not just exhausting you, but leading you back to exactly the same predicament you had in a first place. 

Stop walking around keeping this to yourself. For all you know, your wife feels the same way. 

But you won’t know until you both sit down and have an honest conversation.

If she doesn’t feel the same – and still enjoys her lunchtime loving – you need to find a compromise that works for both of you.

Long-term married sex can often become dull and routine. But trust me, there are other way to spice it up.

Playfulness is a huge part of keeping intimacy fresh, as is spontaneity. The more open you are about things you might want to try – be it role-playing, fantasy, kink, or whatever floats your particular boat – the more fun you will have and the better your sex life will be. 

But you have to find a way together.